Day 73 - Awareness of self and presenting an image to the world

I woke and lay in bed, consciously trying to put a smile on my face so I could start the day in a positive way.

I struggled with that today.

At the moment I have an underlying sense of unease.

This originates from a number of factors:

          I am facing a motivational hurdle with Clear the CRAP

          I have allowed feelings of self-consciousness to return

          I find myself again seeking approval from others

          I feel dissatisfied with my current level of productivity

          I am getting way too caught up in mind issues

As I take the time to document this, I am quietly rejoicing, because I am aware of the simple fact that once I am able to identify and observe these emotions and issues for myself, then that is the moment I can let them go. So long as I do not judge myself in any way for having these thoughts and feelings, I simply need to observe what is going on, allow it, and let it be.



"Market Magnolias" by Jo Behlau 2011  29cm x 41xm pastel on card



Last night I casually asked a friend how his job was going. He was pleased to report that his work is being well received, but added that sometimes he can feel a little resentment or jealousy (not sure of his actual word, but I understood the general feeling of unrest) toward his wife, who works only part-time and has more freedom to pursue personal interests than he believes he can.
He said that he could not afford the luxury of spending his days painting and exploring personal whims.

The old me could have easily found judgement in this and gone down the path of self-criticism, because I am currently indulging myself in my whims and following wherever my heart leads me. I had just shown him my latest drawings.

The old me would have allowed peer and societal pressures to restrict me into conformity.

The new me is not quite settled and confident enough to verbally express this view to my friend, but I am developing that confidence in my new-found freedom.

The present me realises that I can simply listen to my friends and there is absolutely no need to justify my current motivations and activities to anyone.

So, I have started to clear the crap out of my wardrobe!!!

While I have not posted for a while and feel that crap-clearing motivation is low, I actually am still slowly addressing my space and clearing it out.

I have avoided the wardrobe since I began this challenge, as it represents one of my biggest hurdles to overcome:  self expression and the image I present to the world.

We present a view of ourselves outwardly via the threads we put on our back.

If we hold on to the clothes of the past, the way we used to be, we are unconsciously not yet prepared to step forward into a new phase of self-expression - to begin to present ourselves in a new light.

Until you shed the old you can never embrace the new.

It's taking me a little while to sort through this wardrobe - for days I have been stepping around shelves and sorted piles of crap all over the floor...

But I'm getting there...

Before...

Crap Cleared:
Clothes I no longer wear or need

Observations: 
Observation without judgement! 
Non-attachment to outcomes!
Shed the old to embrace the new!
There is no need to justify my current motivations and activities to anyone.

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