Clear the CRAP: Day 79 - Releasing the real me from behind a mask of conformity

I recall times at school, and perhaps also in adult vocational training, when I was instructed to document the "roles" that I perform: sister, student, sports team member, shop assistant, etc. Analysis followed on how behaviour can adjust, depending on the role that is being played.

I imagine this was the instructor's way of trying to help students answer the question:

" Who am I ? "

Or perhaps the intent may have been to teach conformity to school rules, company policy or social norms; to have students think about how they are "supposed to act" in different situations, or around different people, answering the question: "What am I supposed to do?".

It is such a shame that we were taught how to be actors

and not how to be ourselves.

Of course there is the requirement to function in our community, so a level of conformity is necessary. And in the past I have felt good about how well I managed to relate to people at all levels of the corporate ladder and in varying social situations. But I now realise that I never really knew who the " I " from the ' Who am I ' question really was. I had no connection with my inner self.
.

If only the teacher would have gone that one little extra step to help me realise that these roles I played, were not who I really was... deep inside. My mind had identified with these characters I played, who performed the part according to others' expectations. I would don the mask, take the stage and did what I ought, in order to receive the applause.

If only the teacher would have helped me realise
that the REAL ME,
is the being that

SITS BEHIND THE MASK
worn by the conforming role-player.

I always wore a mask. I played the roles in a way that I thought I was supposed to play them. I identified with those roles and thought that was who I was.

It was a lie.

I was trying to be something I was not.

I was trying to please others and do the "right thing" and I felt like I never met their or my own expectations.

My life was always a search for ... "something"... My passion? My true calling? What was I going to do with this life? Always unsatisfied. There was something missing.

But I have found the answer and it lies in getting to know the glow that sits behind the mask.

To know and understand this light that shines from within.

I will find the strength to no longer move in a way that others expect me to...

I am taking off the mask.