Day 29 - Precious books and the need to write.

　

Crap cleared: children's books

I stood mesmerised before the gondola of books. I don’t know what had drawn me to this section of the department store because I was there to buy a gymnastics leotard and a couple of roll-under-the-bed plastic storage containers. The pictures on the covers, the titles, the authors, the words were all calling to me. I could feel their power and I wanted to become one with it.

And of course the title of this piece of fiction jumped up at me: "The pile of stuff at the bottom of the stairs". I’m sure Christina Hopkinson could just as easily have replaced stuff with CRAP in her title. I skimmed through and read a few random pages and found I could enjoy her content.



This pic is totally unrelated to the blog...
I just thought the browns and greens of my
courtyard looked especially pretty this morning!
(110cm outdoor clock by i believe in this) )



I cannot remember the last time I bought a work of fiction. Other than a couple of gardening, craft, finance, cookery and medical books and magazines, my bookshelf is 80% self-help. What I read is all about improving myself; trying to become a better person; trying to find happiness, direction and fulfilment and an understanding of life. Titles like: First things first, Don’t sweat the small stuff, Instant Calm, The art of happiness and Freedom Is; and books from authors such as Stephen Covey, Edward De Bono, Eckhart Tolle and Mike Robinson. In the past when I found time to read, it was not really an enjoyable, relaxing journey into a make-believe story, or even an adventure to captivate imagination with messages to learn and grow from. Science fiction!... why would I waste my time! My reading was always all about trying to figure out how I can fix what is wrong with me.

There are still bookmarks in most items on my bookshelves, identifying the spot, part way through where I stopped reading. I usually do not finish a book. For some reason I lose interest or don’t find the time. It has to be really engaging for me to read through to the last page.

What I have recently discovered is that you need to be ready to receive the information you’re reading. For example, I started reading Eckhart Tolle’s The power of now last year some time, and I don’t think I got passed the first few chapters. I was not open or ready to process and understand the messages. Last week I started reading his more recent book A new earth - create a better life and it is really resonating so true for me, I can hardly put it down. Likewise, with my other recent reading from James Redfield and Mike Robinson, I’ve sped through to the end, soaking up all the wisdom on offer.

I can relate this to the process of clearing the CRAP.

You need to be ready for it.

For how long has my mother been trying to get my father to clear all of his crap out of their garage? No matter how many times she asks him and punishes him for not doing so, he’s not going to clean up his crap until he is ready. And for how long have I had that mountain of financial paperwork building up and daring me to tackle it? Not ready yet... I'll save that one for another day!!

When the time is right on your journey of life, you will be able to face your crap, process the issues associated with it, and move forward. When the time is right, the information you need will present itself to you.

While staring at all the shiny new books, the title and content of my very own masterpiece came to me. I have been contemplating a literary work that will benefit my children, but this idea is now shaping into something that could reach a wider audience. I felt the force of those books today telling me that it’s time to start working on that project.

So today I decided to clear the crap from my bookcases, but I didn’t get very far. My books are way too precious to part with. I was easily able to cull the children’s shelves and now have this pile of kids books to donate.

　

　

Oh, and I bought the fiction book about a pile of stuff and look forward to a leisurely read.

　

Day 29 observations:

• I must not let fear of the unknown prevent me from trying something new - just commence the writing and see where it takes me.

　
　
　

　

Day 3 - Exploring inner motivations and healing

Crap cleared: box of craft material

　

The wardrobe in the spare room is piled high with large plastic tubs of CRAP - namely clothes I no longer wear, children’s paintings, awards and memorabilia, photos, Christmas decorations and craft material (fabric, wool, cross-stitch stuff, cardboard and utensils for card-making, beads etc). My aim was to reduce two tubs of craft material down to one.

It was interesting sorting through the tubs as I found so many lovely things that I forgot that I had. Beautiful and useful things that I was keeping for... "one day" when I wanted to fix or make something. It’s been ages since I worked on any crafty projects.

Strangely, at one stage when I was sorting what to keep and what to throw away, I really became overwhelmed. It’s hard to describe. I felt slightly panicked and anxious over the requirement I had placed on myself. Wow... where was this coming from? I was teary - it was bizarre. My close friend, the attitude of lack, had come to visit again and was asking me what would happen if one day I needed those items and didn’t have them any more.

Both of my parents lost absolutely every thing in Germany in WWII. They were strong and resourceful and built a secure and comfortable life for themselves here in Australia, where I was born. They were thrifty and frugal and I believe I have adopted their need to hold on to things... because you just might need them one day!

When dining, it was and continues to be annoying and often embarrassing when with company, to have my father insist that I eat more. He will say "have some more", "eat this", "finish this off", "come on, eat up - you don’t know when your gonna get your next meal." He suffered great loss and starvation in his childhood, and of course it shaped his adult behaviours and attitudes. I have always felt that I had a different attitude to war than my friends. My views were influenced by the shocking stories my parents shared and I now realise that I have internalised their sorrow and fear of losing everything all over again. Perhaps this is why I feel so very deeply for the flood and earthquake victims who have lost everything, because, through my parents’ experience, it’s like I know what it’s like.

Now, as I examine my need to hold onto things, I feel like I’m contradicting myself, because those who have lost everything will tell you that they only lost material possessions, and that means absolutely nothing in comparison to human life.

From the start of the day I could feel a knot in the top of my stomach. It was like a ball of churning anxiety, like pins and needles or butterflies, that would not go away. After my weekend healing course I identified that I would benefit from a daily meditation to "clear the internal crap" and bring back the clarity and love I found within. Finally at 2.30pm, after having this congestion (that I know was sitting in my solar plexus chakra) with me constantly, I made my way to my special spot.

I tried to perform an emotional healing technique that I learnt on the weekend on myself. It didn’t work - there was nothing there.

So I sat with my congestion. I drew my attention to my solar plexus to see what was there.

WOW!!!

I saw that I was imbalanced. I had been focusing and taking action on a new activity, at the expense of all the other things I need to do in my daily round. The energy was blocked and I was able to break it down and spread it to where it needed to go.

And I also realised that I was holding imbalance in this area of my body that did not belong to me. The pain and sorrow of events in the world were sitting there. I saw that I had taken on others’ issues... and I let them go.

By 3pm when I went to get the kids, that feeling in my stomach was gone!





So here it is - two tubs of CRAP reduced to one tub of CRAP.

(I’m looking forward to defining that term soon.)

Today....was awesome!

　

　

Day 3 observations:

I recognise the source of my attitude toward holding on to material possessions. I acknowledge it and let it go.

I am a healer. I am able to use the universal light to bring clarity to my being.