Day 74 - Don't Declutter . . . Downsize and create Harmony.

 
Anyone watching would have thought I was just wandering...

aimlessly
        from room to room,
                in and out
                       and back again.
                                Over and over
                                        with no purpose


It would have appeared as though I was in a trance.

And it felt a little like that. Even though I had the intention of reorganising and tidying up this space, I could not create a vision of the end result, and so I could not take any action.

This is the current dishevelled state of my warehouse:

As I have been downsizing this physical part of my business, and concentrating on digital aspects, I would like to reorganise the warehouse and create space to fit the van inside. But there's just not enough room!!

How do I reposition all these things, shelves, stock, tables, equipment and other crap I may never use again, but keep holding onto, just in case it might come in handy one day???

DOWNSIZE . . . there's the word for today.

"Downsizing" is so much more professional than "Decluttering"

.

If you declutter, it implies that you are messy and disorganised. You have too much crap and you don't know what to do with it. You can't think straight and don't know where you are going.

But if you are "downsizing", you have power and intention; structure and capability. You know what you want and have the means to get there. You act with purpose to achieve a goal.

The word I embraced yesterday was HARMONY.

We hear so much about the need to create "balance" in our lives, to structure our activities. Not too much of this, more of that. To me, that seems so cold and somehow authoritarian or stiff.

Instead of "balance", I prefer to create "harmony". When I am in harmony, I flow with the natural rhythm of my life. All aspects of my being are perfectly blended and in tune with one another.

After allowing a little time,

a bit of dreaming

and relaxing a tad,

I have now formed an image of how I want the warehouse to look.

Even if it's just creating a little more order at this stage and the van doesn't quite fit in yet,

I'm happy with the picture I've created in my mind.

Now I'm off to make it a reality.

Crap Cleared: 
Excess from the Warehouse.

Observations:
Don't Declutter... Downsize!!
Forget Balance... Create Harmony.
Without a clear vision, any action is futile.

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Day 73 - Awareness of self and presenting an image to the world

I woke and lay in bed, consciously trying to put a smile on my face so I could start the day in a positive way.

I struggled with that today.

At the moment I have an underlying sense of unease.

This originates from a number of factors:

          I am facing a motivational hurdle with Clear the CRAP

          I have allowed feelings of self-consciousness to return

          I find myself again seeking approval from others

          I feel dissatisfied with my current level of productivity

          I am getting way too caught up in mind issues

As I take the time to document this, I am quietly rejoicing, because I am aware of the simple fact that once I am able to identify and observe these emotions and issues for myself, then that is the moment I can let them go. So long as I do not judge myself in any way for having these thoughts and feelings, I simply need to observe what is going on, allow it, and let it be.



"Market Magnolias" by Jo Behlau 2011  29cm x 41xm pastel on card



Last night I casually asked a friend how his job was going. He was pleased to report that his work is being well received, but added that sometimes he can feel a little resentment or jealousy (not sure of his actual word, but I understood the general feeling of unrest) toward his wife, who works only part-time and has more freedom to pursue personal interests than he believes he can.
He said that he could not afford the luxury of spending his days painting and exploring personal whims.

The old me could have easily found judgement in this and gone down the path of self-criticism, because I am currently indulging myself in my whims and following wherever my heart leads me. I had just shown him my latest drawings.

The old me would have allowed peer and societal pressures to restrict me into conformity.

The new me is not quite settled and confident enough to verbally express this view to my friend, but I am developing that confidence in my new-found freedom.

The present me realises that I can simply listen to my friends and there is absolutely no need to justify my current motivations and activities to anyone.

So, I have started to clear the crap out of my wardrobe!!!

While I have not posted for a while and feel that crap-clearing motivation is low, I actually am still slowly addressing my space and clearing it out.

I have avoided the wardrobe since I began this challenge, as it represents one of my biggest hurdles to overcome:  self expression and the image I present to the world.

We present a view of ourselves outwardly via the threads we put on our back.

If we hold on to the clothes of the past, the way we used to be, we are unconsciously not yet prepared to step forward into a new phase of self-expression - to begin to present ourselves in a new light.

Until you shed the old you can never embrace the new.

It's taking me a little while to sort through this wardrobe - for days I have been stepping around shelves and sorted piles of crap all over the floor...

But I'm getting there...

Before...

Crap Cleared:
Clothes I no longer wear or need

Observations: 
Observation without judgement! 
Non-attachment to outcomes!
Shed the old to embrace the new!
There is no need to justify my current motivations and activities to anyone.

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Day 72 - Let your inner child out to dance and solve your dilemmas

I was thrown a curve ball last week!!

Just when I was starting to feel really good about consolidating the vision for the new direction I want to take my life via a new entreprenerial concept, I received a proposal from a previous business partner to collaborate again.

It stopped me in my tracks.
 

Threw me into a whirlwind of confusion.

 

Enough water had passed under the bridge for me to consider the idea of reigniting a business that I had put to rest about a year ago. I still had the infrastrcture to support it and would only need to find the human resources to manage it. But it became a question of whether I wanted to invest the time, energy and lifestyle change to start it all again. Not to mention reassociating with a person who I knew was unethical and had burnt me before due to her poor communication and business strategies.
 

I was attracted to the offer only because of the financial gain. However I am not really motivated by money. Yes, I desire an abundance of wealth, and it is required to support the achievement of my personal mission, but getting involved in this business activity again would not be in alignment with my highest value. I was toying with the idea of taking it on short term just to build up some capital.

For more than three days my head was in a spin considering all possibilities.
I was irritated, annoyed, confused, unsure, angry and scared about what my future holds.

Was it the negative vibration of the business, the product or the supplier that was effecting me?

Then, at my Nia class, we were instructed to allow our inner child out to dance. I hesitated initially, but it soon turned into such an amazingly joyous experience.

I love how I just honestly dance like no-one's watching at Nia.

As my inner child spun in circles and pranced around the room, and tears of wonder streamed down my face in a yoga hall full of people, the answer to my dilemma came.

How could I not follow my heart.

"Inner Child Dancing" by Jo Behlau 2011  45cm x 45cm acrylic on canvas

The business proposal was presented to me as a test. A test of my core values.

I will no longer submit to the restrictions and expectations of others. I will allow my spirit to soar. I will live my life in freedom, pursue my passion and while I don't know what the future holds, I will trust in my dream.

And on that day, I was inspired to paint.... so I did!

Crap Cleared: Notion that I will not be able to provide financial stability by trusting my heart.

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