Day 74 - Don't Declutter . . . Downsize and create Harmony.

 
Anyone watching would have thought I was just wandering...

aimlessly
        from room to room,
                in and out
                       and back again.
                                Over and over
                                        with no purpose


It would have appeared as though I was in a trance.

And it felt a little like that. Even though I had the intention of reorganising and tidying up this space, I could not create a vision of the end result, and so I could not take any action.

This is the current dishevelled state of my warehouse:

As I have been downsizing this physical part of my business, and concentrating on digital aspects, I would like to reorganise the warehouse and create space to fit the van inside. But there's just not enough room!!

How do I reposition all these things, shelves, stock, tables, equipment and other crap I may never use again, but keep holding onto, just in case it might come in handy one day???

DOWNSIZE . . . there's the word for today.

"Downsizing" is so much more professional than "Decluttering"

.

If you declutter, it implies that you are messy and disorganised. You have too much crap and you don't know what to do with it. You can't think straight and don't know where you are going.

But if you are "downsizing", you have power and intention; structure and capability. You know what you want and have the means to get there. You act with purpose to achieve a goal.

The word I embraced yesterday was HARMONY.

We hear so much about the need to create "balance" in our lives, to structure our activities. Not too much of this, more of that. To me, that seems so cold and somehow authoritarian or stiff.

Instead of "balance", I prefer to create "harmony". When I am in harmony, I flow with the natural rhythm of my life. All aspects of my being are perfectly blended and in tune with one another.

After allowing a little time,

a bit of dreaming

and relaxing a tad,

I have now formed an image of how I want the warehouse to look.

Even if it's just creating a little more order at this stage and the van doesn't quite fit in yet,

I'm happy with the picture I've created in my mind.

Now I'm off to make it a reality.

Crap Cleared: 
Excess from the Warehouse.

Observations:
Don't Declutter... Downsize!!
Forget Balance... Create Harmony.
Without a clear vision, any action is futile.

____________________________________________________

Day 71 - The final chapter & 30 days of gratitude

When I set myself a 100-day challenge to Clear the CRAP, I had no idea where it would lead me...

I had an internal need to declutter my surroundings in order to clear out old energies, clear my mind and move on to the next stage of my life.

Now, just over 3/4 way through the challenge, I can reflect on my journey so far and identify three distinct stages that I have moved through:

Phase 1

First 21 Days: Establishing the Clear the CRAP Process

Phase 2

Days 22 - 70: Recognising the positive life-changing outcomes of the Clear the CRAP Process and the desire to share this with others

Phase 3

Final 30 Days: Consolidating the Clear the Crap Process and formulating the Clear the CRAP Business Plan

I am extremely excited about what lies ahead and can't wait to share my learnings with the world. So much so that I keep stumbling over my enthusiasm to share my message. I want to do it right; in a way that will have the greatest helpful impact on those in my realm of influence.

No more attempts to put the cart before the horse - just one step at a time and in time, I will be in a position to give more of myself in service to others.

As I embark on Phase 3

of the Clear the CRAP Challenge,

I will take time to give thanks.

In the past I could easily lose sight of all the good things in my life. I would find myself stuck, focusing on the negatives and wishing for more in my life. But I know that I am so blessed to be where I am. Any given moment of my life, is the most absolutely perfect place for me to be.

In good times and bad, I have so many blessings to be thankful for.

Expressing gratitude has a powerful effect on the manifestations and creations in our lives. Our inner and outer worlds become happier and more abundant.

Every day for the next 30 days, the final phase of the Clear the CRAP Challenge, I will add to this blog one thing that I am grateful for that day.

I raise my glass to the joy of life.

Crap Cleared: A belief that I don't have everything I need

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I am grateful for fresh drinking water on tap, bathroom showers and toilets that flush. I am grateful to have electricity which allows lighting and household appliances, particularly a refrigerator, clothes washing machine and dishwasher. I am grateful for good friends and camping retreats. I am grateful for my home, community and all modern conveniences. I am grateful for my own, big, comfortable bed.  ♥ 18 ♥

I am grateful for the inspirational teachers that I am blessed to have cross my path. Madonna and Sophie, all of the healing crew, Yo and Kerryn and all of my friends - old, new, present and online, my family, my children. The lessons you provide and awareness you enable challenge and enlighten me.
Thank you. ♥ 17 ♥

I am grateful that I recognise my need to express myself and I have found the avenue to do so, by indulging in my writing, painting, dancing and other artistic/creative persuits. These activities bring self-actualisation as they provide me the opportunity to find myself, clear any crap that I deal with on a day to day basis and rediscover my truth. ♥ 16 ♥

I am grateful to have the most amazing lifestyle.
I am grateful for my home - with all of its maintenance requirements.
I am grateful for my body - with all of its lumps and bumps.
I am grateful for my children - with all the challenges they bring.
I am grateful for the sun, air, trees, flowers, earth, wind, fire, lollies, chocolate, water, rocks, photographs, lateral thinking ability, friends, helpers, structure, opportunity, motivation, laziness, vehicles, phones, pets, music, dance, colour, prosperity, lack, all of the abundance in my life, and all that is. ♥ 15 ♥

I am grateful for my gorgeous group of supportive friends with whom I can be "me" and share all of those personal issues and they are so open to hearing it and allowing it and are so accepting of me in spite of it all. Thank you. ♥ 14 ♥

I am grateful for magically big snuggly-wuggly hugs with my children, made more squishy-wushy by a gigantic soft fluffy dressing gown. ♥ 13 ♥

I am grateful that Sandhan Australia is back online. lol
We missed you. :)

Today I am grateful for the sun. I am grateful for my car, that safely got the children to school. I am grateful that I was able to buy catfood this morning for our two gorgeous fluffy things. I am grateful that my dad was here yesterday when the treelopers came. I'm grateful that I have the guts to take risks. I am grateful that I am able to trust in my ability to increase my vibration and invite great things into my life. I am grateful for my home, my family and my friends. I am grateful for my freedom. ♥ 12 ♥

I am grateful that I have the opportunity  to express myself creatively.

My new morning family tradition of prayer and expressing our gratitude inspired me to paint

"Zander's Heart of Gratitude" for my son.  ♥ 11 ♥

"Zander's Heart of Gratitude" by Jo Behlau 2011  45cm x 45cm acrylic on canvas

I am grateful that I had no back pain when I woke up this morning.
I will use my dance class, emotional healing and energy work to totally erradicate any weakness from my spine.
Oh... and I had a smile on my face too!!! ♥ 10 ♥

Taste Buds! I'm thankful for taste buds!
I bought the most amazing raspberry jam from my local Brisbane supermarket yesterday. The brand is "Anatoth", made in NZ where you are. I am grateful for raspberries, my favourite food, and I am grateful for Anatoth Raspberry Jam!!!!!

I am grateful for my friend who recently posted about waking up with a smile on her face.... when I woke this morning, that was my first thought! I chose to start my day with a smile on my face. It can only get better from here! ♥ 9 ♥

I am grateful that I allowed myself to have a very lazy Sunday, spending most of the day on the back veranda sharing energy with the trees and wildlife that surrounded me, reading 'The power of NOW' and simply "enjoying myself - in joy in myself".
Thank you Eckhart Tolle. ♥ 8 ♥

My little family has a tradition (which we borrowed from my friend) whereby each night, as we sit at the dining table, we ask each other "What was the best part of your day?". It's a way of sharing something positive with each other and reinforcing that even if you have an ordinary day or a bad day, you can still find something positi...ve.

Today I have commenced a new activity, which I hope will develop into a new tradition. In the morning, when we are having breakfast, or if we eat at different times, then we'll just have to catch a moment during getting ready for the day, when we come together, and we will say a morning prayer and then each of us will share something that we are grateful for.

I've been struggling a little with my 8yo son lately, trying to help him to appreciate all of the good things that he has, and to look after his things, and to tidy up, etc. I'm hoping that this little ritual may help.

I am grateful for the personal skype conversation I just had with my brother. We have connected a little on a new level and it feels comforting. ♥ 7 ♥
  

I am grateful that I have my amazing friend Donna in my life. ♥ 6 ♥
  

    

I am grateful that my Dad arrived safely from Tasmania today.

I am in a really wonderful place right now and have so much I want to do for my business. I will try not to worry about adjusting my normal routine a little while he is here, so I can work with him in the garden and sit out on the veranda and drink cups of tea together.

I will cherish this time. ♥ 5 ♥

I am grateful that I have found a way to quickly process emotional issues as they arise within. I have had many examples this week where I was confronted with challenging issues that would have left me sad, anxious, worried or fearful in the past, but I suprised myself with how quickly I was able to work through and clear it and return to a place of peace and happiness. ♥ 4 ♥

  

I am grateful for the fact that I have learnt to be comfortable in my own skin.
Tonight in a room full of people I had never met before, I was not self-conscious. I was authentic and real and I felt connected when the vibration was right, I interacted. I am comfortable being me. ♥ 3 ♥
     
     

I am grateful for the many events and learnings that have lead me to where I am today: able to be truly happy living life in the moment. ♥ 2 ♥

     
     

Today I am grateful for all the wonderful people I am meeting online. I'm getting to know many gracious, inspiring, powerful, beautiful women and I feel truly blessed. I see great friendships and business relationships forming. ♥ 1 ♥

  

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Day 32 - My love-hate relationship with the lawnmower

Well it would be nice if I was going to describe the guy who mows my grass... but this is simply a rant about the blue, 4-stroke, 158cc Victa!

When I go out and get dirty and ride the Victa I’m truly satisfied!!

...about a job well done in the yard, of course... what were you thinking??

For me, mowing the lawn is symbolic for all of the indoor and outdoor chores that I do, which would "normally" be done by the man about the house. I love that I am a strong, independent, single woman and attribute it to my treasured childhood growing up on the farm. I value my practicality and resourcefulness. When the grass has been neatly trimmed, and other yard duties completed, (eg. pruning trees, cleaning gutters, creating an ag-pipe drainage system!) I enjoy standing back and admiring the job well done and the look of my property.

It's probably not good to feel proud of oneself,

but I do value the sense of achievement I feel

when I do a "man’s job" such as mowing the lawn.

Even if we engage less frequently than we should,

I love my lawnmower.

That said, I still have moments, usually when something goes wrong and the damn thing (or other equipment) is not working, or if something else has effected me, when I can feel sorry for myself and wish I had someone else to do the lawn for me. I had an episode like that today when pushing through the thick grass that should have been tended to weeks ago, and the tears were rolling down my face as I plodded back and forth. Self-defeating thoughts like: Why do I have to be alone all the time? Why don’t I have someone else to do this for me? Why am I not good enough for anyone? Why doesn’t any man like me?

I hate my lawnmower. 

The strange thing is that I don’t really long to have a man in my life. Sure it may be nice, but it would be an imposition and stressor more than anything else. (perhaps just initially and I’m just saying this to make myself feel better)

Episodes where I get all sad and cranky about my circumstance are much less frequent or long lasting now than what they have been in the past. So, I soon shook myself out of that mind-pattern and continued to enjoy being outside in the fresh (noisy) air.

See... it really needs mowing!

Today there were two instances to do with relationships that really got my goat.

I read a blog from an American woman who needed to move states for work. She was living in a new city with her child, while her husband remained in the old home until it sold. She said that she is now experiencing what it is like to be a single mother.

Pheewth!!

(I cant send a link because I can’t remember the name of the blog. I was offended and chose not to bookmark the page in any way)

I liken this with women whose husbands go away for work for periods of time. Yes, those women do need to look after the children all by themselves and make huge sacrefices and may need to make some decisions by themselves, and it is hard, but this is NOT the same as being a single mother.

They have not suffered the tragedy that is the loss of a marriage/partnership that resulted in the children, and they still have their partner available, even if it is just on the phone at times. They still have someone there who loves them, and cares for them and supports them. They are not alone.

Secondly, I came across a facebook page that was inviting people to have a whinge and get things off their chest. A woman was complaining about her husband. It really irks me when I hear people criticising their partner (and yes, I have been guilty of it also in the past). Why can't people just be thankful for the love that they have and if it is an unhealthy relationship, quit it! Complaining is all about making yourself out to be better than the other.

　

Ok, rant over... Now I’ll go back to my pretence of being a humble identity - who lives in hope of ditching the Victa and finding a real life Victor, Vincent or maybe even a Victoria!

Crap cleared: Megga amounts of lawn clippings


Day 32 observations:

• I am becoming conscious of my ego, which complains about single life and my internal voice that tells me negative things about myself. I know that awareness and ego can’t occur at the same time. My old mental patterns are being recognised and broken down as my awareness grows.

Day 31 - The cleaning bug got me!

　

The cleaning bug strikes me

 at the weirdest times.

Often it’s at 9pm,

rarely during the day

and sometimes in the middle of the night.

I can happily ignore the mess in my house on a day to day basis and wait until the bug strikes, then it’s surprising how much cleaning and tidying I can achieve in a small amount of time. And it's not unusual for me to do the laundry if I wake at 3am and can't sleep - which is very rare these days.

I honestly don’t know how I’m surviving on only about 5 hours sleep per night lately, but after hitting hay at 2am last night I can’t believe my high level of energy today.

I had the children running around the house with me putting things back into place to re-create order under this roof. "Work before play"... a great motto in our house and the kids were even folding sheets!

Along with all the general housework I took the opportunity, while the bite of the bug was with me, to work with my daughter to clear the crap from her bedroom.

　

　

　

OK... Now you can go and play Wii.

　

　

Crap cleared: Unwanted craft and toys from my daughter’s room.

Day 31 observations:

• All in good time ~ Tomorrow is another day ~ Strike while the iron’s hot ~ Whatever ~ Just Do It!

Day 29 - Precious books and the need to write.

　

Crap cleared: children's books

I stood mesmerised before the gondola of books. I don’t know what had drawn me to this section of the department store because I was there to buy a gymnastics leotard and a couple of roll-under-the-bed plastic storage containers. The pictures on the covers, the titles, the authors, the words were all calling to me. I could feel their power and I wanted to become one with it.

And of course the title of this piece of fiction jumped up at me: "The pile of stuff at the bottom of the stairs". I’m sure Christina Hopkinson could just as easily have replaced stuff with CRAP in her title. I skimmed through and read a few random pages and found I could enjoy her content.



This pic is totally unrelated to the blog...
I just thought the browns and greens of my
courtyard looked especially pretty this morning!
(110cm outdoor clock by i believe in this) )



I cannot remember the last time I bought a work of fiction. Other than a couple of gardening, craft, finance, cookery and medical books and magazines, my bookshelf is 80% self-help. What I read is all about improving myself; trying to become a better person; trying to find happiness, direction and fulfilment and an understanding of life. Titles like: First things first, Don’t sweat the small stuff, Instant Calm, The art of happiness and Freedom Is; and books from authors such as Stephen Covey, Edward De Bono, Eckhart Tolle and Mike Robinson. In the past when I found time to read, it was not really an enjoyable, relaxing journey into a make-believe story, or even an adventure to captivate imagination with messages to learn and grow from. Science fiction!... why would I waste my time! My reading was always all about trying to figure out how I can fix what is wrong with me.

There are still bookmarks in most items on my bookshelves, identifying the spot, part way through where I stopped reading. I usually do not finish a book. For some reason I lose interest or don’t find the time. It has to be really engaging for me to read through to the last page.

What I have recently discovered is that you need to be ready to receive the information you’re reading. For example, I started reading Eckhart Tolle’s The power of now last year some time, and I don’t think I got passed the first few chapters. I was not open or ready to process and understand the messages. Last week I started reading his more recent book A new earth - create a better life and it is really resonating so true for me, I can hardly put it down. Likewise, with my other recent reading from James Redfield and Mike Robinson, I’ve sped through to the end, soaking up all the wisdom on offer.

I can relate this to the process of clearing the CRAP.

You need to be ready for it.

For how long has my mother been trying to get my father to clear all of his crap out of their garage? No matter how many times she asks him and punishes him for not doing so, he’s not going to clean up his crap until he is ready. And for how long have I had that mountain of financial paperwork building up and daring me to tackle it? Not ready yet... I'll save that one for another day!!

When the time is right on your journey of life, you will be able to face your crap, process the issues associated with it, and move forward. When the time is right, the information you need will present itself to you.

While staring at all the shiny new books, the title and content of my very own masterpiece came to me. I have been contemplating a literary work that will benefit my children, but this idea is now shaping into something that could reach a wider audience. I felt the force of those books today telling me that it’s time to start working on that project.

So today I decided to clear the crap from my bookcases, but I didn’t get very far. My books are way too precious to part with. I was easily able to cull the children’s shelves and now have this pile of kids books to donate.

　

　

Oh, and I bought the fiction book about a pile of stuff and look forward to a leisurely read.

　

Day 29 observations:

• I must not let fear of the unknown prevent me from trying something new - just commence the writing and see where it takes me.

　
　
　

　

Day 21 - Blood, Lies, Shame & Messages of Truth

Crap cleared: Medical Boxes

My daughter hurt herself at school two days ago and needed three stitches in her thumb. We followed doctor’s orders and kept it dry for 48 hours with the bandage on. Tonight it was time to change the dressing and inspect the damage.

I had prepared the children for the potential shock of what it would look like, by demonstrating with a tomato! I sliced into it, until a piece was hanging on my just a thread, to emulate her thumb, and had three needles with thread at the ready to quickly put in the stitches. I also showed how the doctor was going to remove them in an attempt to ease any anxiety over the procedure.



I thought a picture of a tomato would be much nicer
than a picture of a bloody stitched thumb!



The cotton pad over the wound was stuck to the cut with dried blood. The best way to remove it and the two butterfly adhesive strips underneath would be to soak it. I prepared a dish of water with a little antiseptic and do you think I could get my daughter to stick her thumb in it? She screamed and cried for a VERY long time before I could convince her that it wasn’t going to hurt. I finally found a strategy to get her to wet her thumb and soak the dressing.

It was past bedtime and she was tired and we were both getting frustrated. I just could not get her to trust me when I said that it wasn’t going to hurt her; that I loved her more than anything and was doing the best thing for her; that I would never do anything to hurt her; that I do not lie. I DO NOT LIE.

　

I told her that someone had lied to me

and it hurt me very, very much,

for a very long time;

and I reiterated;

I do not lie.

In that very moment I was jolted by the profound realisation of how deeply the lies of my ex-husband effected my attitude toward always telling the truth, never hiding anything, and my reaction if someone does not believe what I am saying.

My husband lied to me for the 14 years that we were together. He had a secret and the night he told me what it was marked the beginning of the end of my marriage.

He lied directly, by saying he went some place or did some thing, when really he went or did some thing else. He lied indirectly, by only giving out certain information and not disclosing the full truth. I put my ultimate trust in this man and found out that the whole time we were together, I was being deceived. My life, as I knew it, was based on falsehood. What I thought was real, was make believe.

How do you learn to trust people again, when the person you trusted most in the world was living a lie? I became afraid to let down my guard. I believe that you never, ever truly know someone. Everyone has a secret part of themselves that they do not show to anyone. I wondered if I could ever trust again, as that could again expose me to the hell of betrayal.

Mmmmm.... Tomatos!!

　

Today, on Dare to be Remarkable, I read:

　

"What once shamed you

now graces you and others"

　

How timely and absolutely perfect.

The shame I felt from having chosen someone who was so sly, that he was able to make me believe that he was someone he was not, was soul-destroying.

I was so shut down by what had occurred in my life that I hid the truth from my family and friends for years. With time (and a whole heap of treatments) comes healing, and I was slowly able to give out more details.

Now that I am completing the Clear the CRAP process, I am being totally open and honest for the first time in my life. I am willing to expose myself (warts and all). I am no longer hiding anything about my marriage or myself, and it is the best thing that I could ever do.

As I share myself with others, I aim to help bring about their healing.

　

　

"Your greatest life messages

and your most effective ministry

 will come out of your deepest hurts"

~ Rick Warren

While dressing my daughters thumb
I took the opportunity to Clear the Crap
out of my First Aid boxes.

Day 21 observations:

• Tell the truth! When you reveal the truth about yourself, you discover your true self. (Ohhh, I like that one... you can quote me!!)

Day 19 - Yeah, i believe in this - but it may be time to let it go.

Crap cleared: items from the warehouse
 

My frame of mind effected the number of sales that I had at the market today.

Once a month I attend a local village market to share my i believe in this home decor, wall art and giftware. There’s really not enough foot traffic to make it a financially worthwhile event, but it’s a safe environment to take the children with me and it provides a chance to ‘get rid of’ some stock. I say it like this because I have stock from a previous venture that I need to move and no real means of distribution at the moment, other than an online store that I don’t put a lot of energy into.

I was so happy to see this gorgeous time piece go to a woman who fell in love with it and said she had the perfect spot for it in her home.

　

Winston Clock  107cm x 98cm  $99.00

　

It was raining during market set up, so a negative cloud was already hovering overhead. It’s so horrible to get everything wet, and the freshly mown grass was sticking to the tent walls. I couldn’t put any cardboard boxes or cane baskets on the ground. Then after unloading the gear, as there were fewer stall-holders than normal, I decided to relocate my tent to a better position. Well, I found out later that the new spot where I planted the tent was right on top of a green ant nest!

　

People must have thought the ants were in my pants

with the way I was prancing around inside and around my stall -

but the movement was only to try to stop them

crawling up and biting my feet and ankles.

And they hurt so much!!

　

Well... then my daughter got bitten... She reacts badly to any insect bite, but the screaming and carry-on that followed a green ant bite was just awful. I had only had a few sales and was really starting to question why I put myself through the drama and hard physical work of setting up tent, tables and stock and packing it all up again. Not to mention the fiasco that comes with having to take the kids along with me. It really is an effort - particularly when there is only a small amount of sales.

I also started to face some kind of internal paradox due to my current crap-clearing process. These items, however beautiful to decorate a home, may one day be considered by the purchaser to be their crap!

Maybe it’s time I finally let go of this retail arm of my business?

And then my daughter started whingeing about her thumb. She was hurt yesterday and now has three stitches - her first big injury. Her constant whingeing was effecting my vibe and ability to interact with customers. So we had a chat about positivity and sending out good energy. Soon after she had settled and we found an activity to keep her happy, I became happier and I began making some good sales. Amazing how one persons frame of mind can effect the surrounding atmosphere.

　

Here’s a few more items that went off to lovely new homes today:

　

　

Falling Flowers  100cm x 47cm  $75



Bodice  67 x 30 x 9cm  $55

 

Fern in Pot  100cm x 82cm  $55

　

   Day 19 observations:

• I need to continually work on not letting other people’s issues effect my internal being. I must incorporate a protection process into my daily morning routine.

Day 17 - I have no words today

Crap cleared: A pile of crap from the garage

After a couple of attempts to sit and write today, it just didn't feel right for me. I had a fantastic day, and even wrote a page of text about my interaction with others, but I'm just lacking a bit of the.... zing that I've had these last couple of weeks that enabled me to share the details.

I really don't think that my enthusiasm for this challenge is waning - I'm still loving it. I'm just going to be honest and say that it is difficult to try and write every day. I'm only writing for myself... but I still want it to be an interesting read. I seriously thought about just skipping a day - I never said that the 100 days had to be consecutive! But I did clear some crap, so at least I can post a picture of it.

Ok?

Crap removed when I tidied up part of the garage.

I've really got to get my mojo back..... more sleep will definitely help.

Day 13 - Listen to your body - Are aches and pains telling us more than, ‘hey, you’ve pulled a muscle’?

　

Crap cleared: general household goods to be sold at market

　

As I packed all of my CRAP into the van I wondered if I could really be bothered taking it to the market. Surely it didn’t have such a great monetary value to warrant the huge effort of packing, setting up tent and tables, subjecting the kids to a 5am start and 7 hours of boredom, packing it up again. And the weather forecast was for rain... If only I had the strength to just take it all to the tip and dump it! But I did go to the market and was glad I did - it was fun.



Crap from my garage - ready to go to the market.



I’ve done some marketeer work before so the process is not new to me and I really enjoyed setting up because of the happy banter I had going on with the surrounding stall-holders. Many found my frivolity contagious. I think that having someone new join the regulars at the market can be like a breath of fresh air for them (or a pain in the neck) - like when a new employee joins your team at work. Those that didn’t like my crazy carry-on - which focused on using the word "CRAP" to describe the goods I was selling - well, I guess they’re the ones that just kept to themselves!

I honestly cannot believe the amount of crap I keep. I had a clear-out and held a garage sale six months ago, way before the Clear the CRAP Challenge began. This picture shows the extent of my crap that covered the entire driveway. The garage sale was not very successful, but instead of taking all the unsold goods to a charity drop-off centre or the tip, I promptly packed it all up into boxes. Now is the time to finally rid my space of those boxes of Crap.

My garage sale - August 2010

I have always had the tendency to see the good in people and wondered at times if I was actually a very good judge of character. I had a close friend and work colleague once who was very good at reading people’s features and traits. We worked together on recruitment projects, a perfect role for someone with her skill. On occasions she would mention that she had a bad feeling about someone that we both knew in some capacity. I would not have noticed this underlying negative aspect about the person, and see them only in a positive light. Given time, these people often began to show their true colours. My friend was right about them.

Maybe, knowing what I do now during my current awakening, the "good" that I have always seen in people, is their truth. I have always been able to see the internal light that connects us all, but just did not recognise what it was at the time. I’m confused now as to whether I should become guarded when meeting new people, to protect myself from potential danger, or to remain open and honest in the belief that we all have the capacity for such freedom and peace.

My neighbour at the market seemed to be a very nice man. He was a regular there and we made polite conversation. Throughout the day we chatted briefly between customers, about the market, the weather, the child car seat he was trying to manipulate to see if he wanted to buy it, among other things.

The wind was gusty and toward the end of the market we were all holding onto and tying down our tents to ensure they didn’t blow over. When my neighbour started packing up his tent, I went to lend a helping hand. I held onto the tent pole and grabbed a rope. I don’t know how, but I suddenly got a stabbing pain in my neck. Perhaps I pulled a muscle reaching for the rope or moved in a strange way. Oh, it was awful. I kept moving my head and shoulder this way and that, to try and shake the pain away. Something had cramped up in my neck.

Did I simply pull a muscle, or was there more to this?

At practically the same time as I went to assist with the tent, another man did the same, so I left it to the two men to do, while I continued stretching my neck muscle.

The thought that came to me at that very moment was that my neighbour marketeer was not to be trusted. He seemed nice, but beneath the surface there was something not right. I sat with this notion for a moment and considered my increasing awareness of the energy centres of the body. Did my throat chakra identify that I could not trust what this man was saying? Did I pick up on a negative vibration by touching the tent?

I have magnified a small moment in a big day, but it obviously resonated as something other than small with me. It enabled me to reassess the perceptions I have of people and the need to listen to my body, which has a way, via energy sources and physicality, of communicating important messages to me.

Upon concluding that I need to be wary of this man, that appearances are not always what they seem to be, the pain in my neck left me.

　

By the end of the market I had turned a pile of CRAP into $170.00! All reports were that it was a very slow day with not the usual number of stall-holders and market goers there. I probably sold a third of my crap, if that. I’m very pleased to report that I travelled home via the tip and threw away a couple of large items. (But yes, I did bring a few boxed back home again!! I figure, I have the space, I enjoy going to the market, and if I can earn a little extra lunch money... why not!)

Here's me at the market selling my Crap

After a shower and tidy up, I took the children out to lunch to their favourite child friendly restaurant. We had a fantastic meal, they played on the equipment, I had opportunity to read quietly and while my son played computer games my daughter and I coloured in with felt tip pens. A fun, relaxing afternoon.

　

Day 13 observations:

• Take care of your physical form. It is the vessel that holds our truth. Listen to your body and trust the messages you receive.

　

Day 11 - "Bigger, better and bawdy as always"

Crap cleared: Make up and other old toiletry items

　

Inside the bathroom cupboard I found my dad, a theatre director, an old admirer and a little bit of fear. When you take your time to clear the clutter and clean your space without hurrying, your mind starts to wander, and if you allow it, you’ll be surprised where you end up.

Mum and I speak on the phone a couple of times a week and we can easily natter for hours every time. Dad, on the other hand, is always short, sharp and to the point: "How ya going? Good? Everything all right? Good. How’s the kids? So, you’re ok then? Alright, I’ll pass you over to Mum!" It’s funny though, when Mum goes away for whatever reason and he’s home alone, the first thing he does is phone me for a great big chat. I love it when I have a technical issue and need to speak with Dad. Like when the toilet didn’t stop running and he talked me through how to fix the cistern. Or when I was digging a diversion trench in the back yard due to the recent floodwaters and my pick hit and cracked an underground pipe, and he talked me through how to fix it. Or when my chook stopped laying and seemed sick and he was able to diagnose her problem and describe the course of action. If Mum would let him he’d be on a plane and heading this way tomorrow, to come and mow my lawn for me, but she says he has to Clear the CRAP out of his garage first!

My parents live over 2000km away and we usually see each other face-to-face once or twice a year. My Dad has left a suitcase of clothes and toiletries here, so that he can travel without luggage when he comes to visit. When Clearing the CRAP from my bathroom this evening, Dad’s toilet bag was definitely one item that had to stay.

I didn’t know why Paul Bennet ("Soapy") suddenly popped into my mind this morning as I was driving to school. He was also over 2000km away and was the director of a couple of Revues that I performed in back in my university days in Hobart. I hadn’t seen him since those days, many years ago. Today I saw an image that reminded me of one of these shows and so I googled it to remember what year it was. On the Old Nick Theatre Company website I found out that Soapy passed away last Saturday. We were not close and had no contact since those uni days, but we bonded well back then and I was sad to hear the news.

I reflected on how Soapy’s memory came to me this morning, and wondered why. I thought of the coincidences of the day and got a feeling that perhaps he came to say farewell this morning. I am touched to know that he came to check in with those who touched his life on this planet, before he went off to join the universal light.

Moisture from the seemingly perpetual rain

preceding the Jan 2011 Brisbane flood

caused mould problems in my house,

so as I scrubbed the mould

 from the inside of the bathroom cupboard,

I continued reminiscing...

There was a guy in that 1991 Uni Revue that I sorta liked - he was a fellow performer, but more experienced and quite talented - I’m a sucker for people in positions of authority or power. I think he kinda liked me back, but nothing ever happened between us. He was so confident on stage and could play his roles with such ease, but socially was very shy and insecure. (Interesting how these characteristics also describe my ex-husband - confident when on the sports stage, yet socially he was totally inept). I too was shy, in that I was never able to talk comfortably with and openly express my feelings to a guy. (It was great to see that he had developed a career in the entertainment industry and was still on the stage)

Growing up, I faced rejection from boys. Any guy who I really liked, never liked me back. The first time it happened, (my first point of pain) it hurt and confused me and, although I did not consciously recognise it at the time. I developed a defence mechanism to protect myself, a wall to protect my heart. I would (usually) only attract those who I was not attracted to. Operating out of fear, I developed a self-concept of unworthiness and so I tried to portray an image of a person that I thought people would like. I did not know my true self. People have told me that many men find tall, attractive, confident & out-going women intimidating and, when confronted with their own fears of rejection, become scared to approach them - the story of my life!

Now that I am on an inner journey and recognise the belief behind my experiences in relationships with men, I am able to understand and let go of the attached emotions. I now understand how fear can effect me and I am learning to deal with it. I do not have to worry about what people think of me - a trait that has governed my life. I am free to be open and honest; tell it like it is, and be ok with that.

I wrote the following reply on The Mad Men Guide to Changing the World with Words the other day:
　

　By acting within the realms of our fears,

we build an image of ourselves that we show to the world.

We use this facade to protect ourselves from being hurt or rejected

and we don’t acknowledge our true thoughts and feelings.

By facing fear head on – really looking at what it is, where it came from

and the beliefs that sit behind it – we discover who we really are...

I’m finally looking within and sharing my real self with the world.

Facing your fears is scary…. and so liberating.

So go forth and be creative,

with no attachment to the outcome.

You will truly discover yourself and be free.

Things that had to be cleared from the bathroom were the items I have not used in a very long time, particularly the gigantic pump-action 750ml tub of Vaseline Intensive Care hand cream that I know I’ve had for over 3 years. I used to keep it on the kitchen bench and moisturise my hands many times in the day, until I discovered Nana May’s Magic Hands. This salt and oil scrub requires only a single application daily, and your hands remain moisturised, soft and smooth, no matter how many times you wash your hands in the day. It’s all natural, hand made and fabulous for any dry, itchy skin and particularly effective to get rid of cracked heals and skin conditions like eczema and dermatitis. Yes, I do sell the stuff, so follow the links to my Facebook shop to get your hands on some and then get it on your hands!! The Vaseline hand cream was retired to under the kitchen sink along with all the other chemicals where it belonged.

Some old make up had to be thrown away as well. I remember a recent post by my friend and founder of Oradess make-up innovations that mentioned the shelf life of make up.

Did you know that sorbolene, petroleum jelly and fluoride mouth rinse don’t have used by dates? Some of those items that I had to clear were years old and definitely not good any more.

Here’s the crap I cleared from the bathroom today:

　

　

　

Day 11 observations:

• I love my Dad and my old friends; my family and my new friends and feel comforted knowing that we are united forever in light. (Think I’ll make that my new final salutation in correspondence)
• I can identify the fear that sits behind my beliefs and behaviours, understand it, let it go, lose attachment to outcomes, be comfortable with me and be free.

Day 8 - What's inside the Mystery Box?

Crap cleared: nothing!!

　

I found a mystery box way up high on a shelf in the spare room wardrobe. I could not remember what was in there and after examining the contents, I could not clear anything - This was not crap.

I had wandered throughout the house, looking onto rooms, peeping into cupboards, opening drawers and wardrobes, looking for some crap to be cleared today. Everything I looked at could have benefited from some clearing out, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Today I couldn't face dealing with the underlying beliefs and emotions that made me hold onto those things.

So I attempted an easy one - clearing chemicals and equipment from under the sink and in the laundry. This would serve a dual purpose. Not only would it easily allow me to tick off another successful day in my 100 day challenge, but it would help support Baskets of Hope, who are now seeking cleaning products to send to the Fernvale community as they continue their clean up after the January Flood. But I had recently tidied up that gear, so there wasn’t anything to clear there.

I got excited when I spotted an orange cardboard box in the spare room wardrobe, because I had absolutely no recollection of what it contained. Surely there would be some CRAP in there to throw away.



Among other things, this box contained high school year-books, childhood diaries and notes from school days, videos of uni stage performances, a plaster hand print from when I was 5 years old, junior beauty pageant medals and sashes, and my 1982 gymnastics competition sweater.

This crap is priceless.

This is good memorabilia.

 There is nothing but happy memories in this box.

There was no emotional baggage to sort through

when I examined these items.

I had to keep them.

So after showing the kids and having my daughter’s hand fit perfectly into the imprint of my hand when I was her age, I packed up the orange box and put it back in the cupboard. There was noting but good vibes in there.

Earlier in the day I had a conversation with a friend about getting rid of some household goods that held the negative energy of an unhappy time in her life. When we fill our space with items from the past we can get stuck in stagnant energy. The things we keep in our space reflect the state of our inner world. I have taken on this challenge to expel old energy and create space for wonderful new things to enter my world - things that resonate with a higher frequency. Today I read a fantastic article by Helen M. Downs and absolutely loved her "George Clooney Method". I now have George as my screensaver.

Inside my mystery box was the jewellery box I had as a child. When I opened it, I was pleasantly surprised by the old familiar smell of the beautiful red felt that lined the inside, wafting up and gently touching my heart as if to say, "remember me, remember those good old days". They were joyful, carefree happy days growing up on the farm. They were high frequency vibrations days and those vibes were coming out of the jewellery box, magnified many times by the multitude of mirrors behind the dancing ballerina. I cherish those times and my upbringing so dearly and tears began to well. Happy tears from remembering positive, wholesome experiences, but a hint of sadness as I see how life got harder as I got older, but the sadness no longer overwhelms me and takes over, as it used to.

　

　

Day 8 observations:

There are some things from the past that are good to keep because they remind us of happy times.

　

Day 1 - Talking to Mum

Crap cleared: 5 tops

It was clean. I had tried it on a couple of days ago when getting dressed in the morning and it didn't feel right, so I threw it onto the bed and returned my attention to the wardrobe to search for something else to wear. The white top then, over the course of the next few days of an unmade bed and busy times, slid it's way to the floor where it waited, lost in a growing pile of clothes, which I stepped over many times, each time thinking, 'I must sort that CRAP on the floor' and each time I managed to ignore the mess and carry on with my day.

As I stood, arms outstretched, I wondered if I would ever really feel like wearing that old white top again. It was too short. It would make a good rag! "Oh, just get rid of it", I thought and I probably said it out aloud as well - to... noone. So I crumpled it up again and threw it through the open door into the hallway.

 

This happened shortly after I hung up from speaking with my Mum on the phone. She lives interstate and we chat a couple of times a week on the phone. We both find that this is a marvelous time to get the housework done. We can chat for hours non-stop while we each work around the house doing chores. Today when talking to Mum, I fed the chooks, swept the back verandah, cleaned bins and put the rubbish out, changed the sheets on my bed, put them in the machine to wash, cleaned the kitchen bench, and ironed about 12 tops, two pants and a skirt. I have to say it was the most domestically productive I've been all week.

 

Mum was busy cleaning out her study which was full of paper. Everywhere! I know the room and I know how it can get. No space... crap on the floor, crap all over the desk, crap all over the couch such that you can't sit on it, crap all over the chair, piles and piles of CRAP. She's expecting visitors on the weekend and needs to clean up. She had heaps of recipies that she was sorting through and I was trying to get her to just throw it all out. She has so many recipies and piles of magazines with recipies and things she wants to read "one day", and pages ripped out of magazines with recipies and when ever she looks to make something, she always just goes back to the same two old, tattered, tried and tested, german recipe books that she has referred to for the last 40 years! And today she said to me that she doesn't even like cooking that much any more. It's so easy to tell someone else what they should be doing to clear out their crap, but to apply it to my self....

I had commented to Mum that I need to clean out my linen closet, because it's choc-a-bloc full and I just can't fit anything in there any more. When remaking my bed and looking for a new pillow case, I counted 42 pillowcases!! There are only 3 beds in this house. How many pillowcases does one need? Now, that's not to mention the two pillowcases that I'd just put in the wash, the two that were on the childrens beds, the other 4 clean ones that were on my bed and the couple that are in the clean washing basket waiting to be folded and put away. "I'll have to sort out those pillow cases and get rid of some one day", I thought to myself, as I struggled to fit them all back in the closet after counting.

How could I ever bring myself to cull my pillowcases? They're all so good. They're useful. I might need them one day! If I was to clean out the cupboard, I'd have to just retire them to a plastic container, which would then clutter up the garage, just in case I ever needed some fabric for... something.

 

So, I picked up the white singlet-top for the second time and folded it up. It's still too good to be used as a rag, maybe I could sell it at the market, I thought. What an attitude of lack - I have got to change this. So I set myself the task of finding four more tops that I no longer wear to get rid of as well.

And from that came the idea and the desire to set myself a challenge to find something, even if it's just a small thing, to get rid of every day. Something that I no longer use -  no longer need. Something that's just creating clutter and sucking up my current energy. That's emittting old energies that I don't need around any more.

The desire to "clear the CRAP' also came about as a result of my participation in a healing course over the weekend. We cleared and energised our chakras, and performed emotional healing techniques and I had some profound experiences. I was feeling really cleansed on the inside. I felt my chakras and aura were clear, my energy centers revitalised, my emotional issues dealt with. I got home to a dirty, cluttered, tired looking home. I need to clear and cleanse it.... so, let the challenge begin.

I plan to blog daily to describe the CRAP that I am clearing, but also provide some background as I go along, which will make this a healing process, as I remember, feel and let go of the items and any emotions or beliefs associated with them or what they represent.

And to share my life, my background, issues and CRAP, is to expose myself and show my vulnerability. This will be very new for me. I had a breakthrough on the weekend when I saw unconditional love and finally know that I can love myself. I no longer need to satisfy anyone's expectations. I don't have to try to please anyone, or try to make myself look good in their eyes. I can be detached from outcomes.

I am what I am.

I am me.

I am light.

I am love.

I know that now.

Day 1 observations:

• When designing the image for this blog a scribbled out ladybug came about. The ladybug represents my Mum and the scribble signifies a breaking away. A breakage from the expectations that I developed for myself throughout my life to date and a breakage from the attitude of lack, both of which stem from childhood conditioning.
• I understand that I work best when I have a deadline to meet and I am accountable to others. I recognise and accept that my motivation to take action is low when there’s just me. Public notification of my challenge makes me accountable to any readers.
• The header and background for this blog is a busy mess. This is representative of the current state of clutter in my surrounds. This site will evolve and become clearer as I clear the CRAP.