Day 79 - Releasing the real me from behind a mask of conformity

I recall times at school, and perhaps also in adult vocational training, when I was instructed to document the "roles" that I perform: sister, student, sports team member, shop assistant, etc. Analysis followed on how behaviour can adjust, depending on the role that is being played.

I imagine this was the instructor's way of trying to help students answer the question:

" Who am I ? "

Or perhaps the intent may have been to teach conformity to school rules, company policy or social norms; to have students think about how they are "supposed to act" in different situations, or around different people, answering the question: "What am I supposed to do?".

It is such a shame that we were taught how to be actors
and not how to be ourselves.

Of course there is the requirement to function in our community, so a level of conformity is necessary. And in the past I have felt good about how well I managed to relate to people at all levels of the corporate ladder and in varying social situations. But I now realise that I never really knew who the " I " from the ' Who am I ' question really was. I had no connection with my inner self.

If only the teacher would have gone that one little extra step to help me realise that these roles I played, were not who I really was... deep inside. My mind had identified with these characters I played, who performed the part according to others' expectations. I would don the mask, take the stage and did what I ought, in order to receive the applause.

If only the teacher would have helped me realise
that the REAL ME,
is the being that 
worn by the conforming role-player.

I always wore a mask. I played the roles in a way that I thought I was supposed to play them. I identified with those roles and thought that was who I was.

It was a lie.

I was trying to be something I was not.

I was trying to please others and do the "right thing" and I felt like I never met their or my own expectations.

My life was always a search for ... "something"... My passion? My true calling? What was I going to do with this life? Always unsatisfied. There was something missing.

But I have found the answer and it lies in getting to know the glow that sits behind the mask.
To know and understand this light that shines from within.

I will find the strength to no longer move in a way that others expect me to...


I am taking off the mask.


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