Day 3 - Exploring inner motivations and healing

Crap cleared: box of craft material

　

The wardrobe in the spare room is piled high with large plastic tubs of CRAP - namely clothes I no longer wear, children’s paintings, awards and memorabilia, photos, Christmas decorations and craft material (fabric, wool, cross-stitch stuff, cardboard and utensils for card-making, beads etc). My aim was to reduce two tubs of craft material down to one.

It was interesting sorting through the tubs as I found so many lovely things that I forgot that I had. Beautiful and useful things that I was keeping for... "one day" when I wanted to fix or make something. It’s been ages since I worked on any crafty projects.

Strangely, at one stage when I was sorting what to keep and what to throw away, I really became overwhelmed. It’s hard to describe. I felt slightly panicked and anxious over the requirement I had placed on myself. Wow... where was this coming from? I was teary - it was bizarre. My close friend, the attitude of lack, had come to visit again and was asking me what would happen if one day I needed those items and didn’t have them any more.

Both of my parents lost absolutely every thing in Germany in WWII. They were strong and resourceful and built a secure and comfortable life for themselves here in Australia, where I was born. They were thrifty and frugal and I believe I have adopted their need to hold on to things... because you just might need them one day!

When dining, it was and continues to be annoying and often embarrassing when with company, to have my father insist that I eat more. He will say "have some more", "eat this", "finish this off", "come on, eat up - you don’t know when your gonna get your next meal." He suffered great loss and starvation in his childhood, and of course it shaped his adult behaviours and attitudes. I have always felt that I had a different attitude to war than my friends. My views were influenced by the shocking stories my parents shared and I now realise that I have internalised their sorrow and fear of losing everything all over again. Perhaps this is why I feel so very deeply for the flood and earthquake victims who have lost everything, because, through my parents’ experience, it’s like I know what it’s like.

Now, as I examine my need to hold onto things, I feel like I’m contradicting myself, because those who have lost everything will tell you that they only lost material possessions, and that means absolutely nothing in comparison to human life.

From the start of the day I could feel a knot in the top of my stomach. It was like a ball of churning anxiety, like pins and needles or butterflies, that would not go away. After my weekend healing course I identified that I would benefit from a daily meditation to "clear the internal crap" and bring back the clarity and love I found within. Finally at 2.30pm, after having this congestion (that I know was sitting in my solar plexus chakra) with me constantly, I made my way to my special spot.

I tried to perform an emotional healing technique that I learnt on the weekend on myself. It didn’t work - there was nothing there.

So I sat with my congestion. I drew my attention to my solar plexus to see what was there.

WOW!!!

I saw that I was imbalanced. I had been focusing and taking action on a new activity, at the expense of all the other things I need to do in my daily round. The energy was blocked and I was able to break it down and spread it to where it needed to go.

And I also realised that I was holding imbalance in this area of my body that did not belong to me. The pain and sorrow of events in the world were sitting there. I saw that I had taken on others’ issues... and I let them go.

By 3pm when I went to get the kids, that feeling in my stomach was gone!





So here it is - two tubs of CRAP reduced to one tub of CRAP.

(I’m looking forward to defining that term soon.)

Today....was awesome!

　

　

Day 3 observations:

I recognise the source of my attitude toward holding on to material possessions. I acknowledge it and let it go.

I am a healer. I am able to use the universal light to bring clarity to my being.