Crap cleared: 5 tops
It was clean. I had tried it on a couple of days ago when getting dressed in the morning and it didn't feel right, so I threw it onto the bed and returned my attention to the wardrobe to search for something else to wear. The white top then, over the course of the next few days of an unmade bed and busy times, slid it's way to the floor where it waited, lost in a growing pile of clothes, which I stepped over many times, each time thinking, 'I must sort that CRAP on the floor' and each time I managed to ignore the mess and carry on with my day.
As I stood, arms outstretched, I wondered if I would ever really feel like wearing that old white top again. It was too short. It would make a good rag! "Oh, just get rid of it", I thought and I probably said it out aloud as well - to... noone. So I crumpled it up again and threw it through the open door into the hallway.
Mum was busy cleaning out her study which was full of paper. Everywhere! I know the room and I know how it can get. No space... crap on the floor, crap all over the desk, crap all over the couch such that you can't sit on it, crap all over the chair, piles and piles of CRAP. She's expecting visitors on the weekend and needs to clean up. She had heaps of recipies that she was sorting through and I was trying to get her to just throw it all out. She has so many recipies and piles of magazines with recipies and things she wants to read "one day", and pages ripped out of magazines with recipies and when ever she looks to make something, she always just goes back to the same two old, tattered, tried and tested, german recipe books that she has referred to for the last 40 years! And today she said to me that she doesn't even like cooking that much any more. It's so easy to tell someone else what they should be doing to clear out their crap, but to apply it to my self....
I had commented to Mum that I need to clean out my linen closet, because it's choc-a-bloc full and I just can't fit anything in there any more. When remaking my bed and looking for a new pillow case, I counted 42 pillowcases!! There are only 3 beds in this house. How many pillowcases does one need? Now, that's not to mention the two pillowcases that I'd just put in the wash, the two that were on the childrens beds, the other 4 clean ones that were on my bed and the couple that are in the clean washing basket waiting to be folded and put away. "I'll have to sort out those pillow cases and get rid of some one day", I thought to myself, as I struggled to fit them all back in the closet after counting.
How could I ever bring myself to cull my pillowcases? They're all so good. They're useful. I might need them one day! If I was to clean out the cupboard, I'd have to just retire them to a plastic container, which would then clutter up the garage, just in case I ever needed some fabric for... something.
And from that came the idea and the desire to set myself a challenge to find something, even if it's just a small thing, to get rid of every day. Something that I no longer use - no longer need. Something that's just creating clutter and sucking up my current energy. That's emittting old energies that I don't need around any more.
The desire to "clear the CRAP' also came about as a result of my participation in a healing course over the weekend. We cleared and energised our chakras, and performed emotional healing techniques and I had some profound experiences. I was feeling really cleansed on the inside. I felt my chakras and aura were clear, my energy centers revitalised, my emotional issues dealt with. I got home to a dirty, cluttered, tired looking home. I need to clear and cleanse it.... so, let the challenge begin.
I plan to blog daily to describe the CRAP that I am clearing, but also provide some background as I go along, which will make this a healing process, as I remember, feel and let go of the items and any emotions or beliefs associated with them or what they represent.
And to share my life, my background, issues and CRAP, is to expose myself and show my vulnerability. This will be very new for me. I had a breakthrough on the weekend when I saw unconditional love and finally know that I can love myself. I no longer need to satisfy anyone's expectations. I don't have to try to please anyone, or try to make myself look good in their eyes. I can be detached from outcomes.
I am what I am.
I am me.
I am light.
I am love.
I know that now.
Day 1 observations:
- When designing the image for this blog a scribbled out ladybug came about. The ladybug represents my Mum and the scribble signifies a breaking away. A breakage from the expectations that I developed for myself throughout my life to date and a breakage from the attitude of lack, both of which stem from childhood conditioning.
- I understand that I work best when I have a deadline to meet and I am accountable to others. I recognise and accept that my motivation to take action is low when there’s just me. Public notification of my challenge makes me accountable to any readers.
- The header and background for this blog is a busy mess. This is representative of the current state of clutter in my surrounds. This site will evolve and become clearer as I clear the CRAP.