Day 21 - Blood, Lies, Shame & Messages of Truth

Crap cleared: Medical Boxes

My daughter hurt herself at school two days ago and needed three stitches in her thumb. We followed doctor’s orders and kept it dry for 48 hours with the bandage on. Tonight it was time to change the dressing and inspect the damage.

I had prepared the children for the potential shock of what it would look like, by demonstrating with a tomato! I sliced into it, until a piece was hanging on my just a thread, to emulate her thumb, and had three needles with thread at the ready to quickly put in the stitches. I also showed how the doctor was going to remove them in an attempt to ease any anxiety over the procedure.

I thought a picture of a tomato would be much nicer
than a picture of a bloody stitched thumb!

The cotton pad over the wound was stuck to the cut with dried blood. The best way to remove it and the two butterfly adhesive strips underneath would be to soak it. I prepared a dish of water with a little antiseptic and do you think I could get my daughter to stick her thumb in it? She screamed and cried for a VERY long time before I could convince her that it wasn’t going to hurt. I finally found a strategy to get her to wet her thumb and soak the dressing.

It was past bedtime and she was tired and we were both getting frustrated. I just could not get her to trust me when I said that it wasn’t going to hurt her; that I loved her more than anything and was doing the best thing for her; that I would never do anything to hurt her; that I do not lie. I DO NOT LIE.

I told her that someone had lied to me
and it hurt me very, very much,
for a very long time;
and I reiterated;
I do not lie.

In that very moment I was jolted by the profound realisation of how deeply the lies of my ex-husband effected my attitude toward always telling the truth, never hiding anything, and my reaction if someone does not believe what I am saying.

My husband lied to me for the 14 years that we were together. He had a secret and the night he told me what it was marked the beginning of the end of my marriage.

He lied directly, by saying he went some place or did some thing, when really he went or did some thing else. He lied indirectly, by only giving out certain information and not disclosing the full truth. I put my ultimate trust in this man and found out that the whole time we were together, I was being deceived. My life, as I knew it, was based on falsehood. What I thought was real, was make believe.

How do you learn to trust people again, when the person you trusted most in the world was living a lie? I became afraid to let down my guard. I believe that you never, ever truly know someone. Everyone has a secret part of themselves that they do not show to anyone. I wondered if I could ever trust again, as that could again expose me to the hell of betrayal.

Mmmmm.... Tomatos!!
Today, on Dare to be Remarkable, I read:
"What once shamed you
now graces you and others"
How timely and absolutely perfect.

The shame I felt from having chosen someone who was so sly, that he was able to make me believe that he was someone he was not, was soul-destroying.

I was so shut down by what had occurred in my life that I hid the truth from my family and friends for years. With time (and a whole heap of treatments) comes healing, and I was slowly able to give out more details.

Now that I am completing the Clear the CRAP process, I am being totally open and honest for the first time in my life. I am willing to expose myself (warts and all). I am no longer hiding anything about my marriage or myself, and it is the best thing that I could ever do.

As I share myself with others, I aim to help bring about their healing.
"Your greatest life messages
and your most effective ministry
 will come out of your deepest hurts"
~ Rick Warren

While dressing my daughters thumb
I took the opportunity to Clear the Crap
out of my First Aid boxes.

Day 21 observations:
  • Tell the truth! When you reveal the truth about yourself, you discover your true self. (Ohhh, I like that one... you can quote me!!)

1 comment:

  1. Saw this quote on your FB wall and loved it :)
    I wrote an article on my blog about how to trust men, hope you like it...


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