Crap cleared: An identification with labels
My mind had created an image of myself as I thought I wanted to be, based on my upbringing and social conditioning. I imagined that when I was to marry, it would be forever. The title of a divorcee was never one that I expected to have... ever. My life would not go that way.
Well, it did!
So when it happened, devastation and a state of utter despair overcame me. When my husband walked away from me, and our two children, it was like I had my whole world, as I knew it to be and wanted it to be, ripped out from underneath me. For the last four years I have been trying to rebuild that world.
It pained me to come to terms with the fact that I was now labelled a 'Single Mother'. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I would need to perform that role. I didn't know how to do it, so I conformed to what I believed was societies stereotype of this label and acted out the part. It was only when I began to listen to my heart, that my healing process began.
Many times I have wondered what lesson the end of my marriage was supposed to teach me. As I progressed through my many stages of healing I struggled to find the good that was to come out of it.
Well, today I found it!
As I read from Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth this morning, I realised that I have finally accepted the loss of my marriage.
"Whenever you completely accept a loss,
you go beyond ego, and who you are,
the I Am which is consciousness itself, emerges."
"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful
for the evolution of your consciousness."
I realised that I could disassociate myself from the concept of "my marriage" as a thing that I identified my self-worth with. Until recently, I could not say, "I am divorced". I would tick the 'single' box on forms instead of the 'divorced' box and I got angry because I didn't think that the status I held in reference to marriage really mattered. I have now shed my ego-attachment to labels such as married, single, or divorced.
The road to recovery from that devastation and despair was long and hard,
but I travelled it and I’m at the end of the line.
- Peace love joy freedom.
- Oh world, if only you didn’t work in such mysterious ways. The fog of mystery is clearing.
Thank you for leaving me,
it led me to discover who I really am.